EYNSHAM v WEST MIDLAND POLICE VETERANS CC, June 4 2006

WMPVCC 222-4, Eynsham 213-6

WMPVCC won by 9 runs

Scorecard

To leafy Edgbaston, on our continuing quest to "get one over" on the West Midlands Police Veterans.

The away fixture is legendary for the hosts’ hospitality, size and quantity of teas, recommendations of Balti houses, get-out-of-jail-free cards and what-have-you – but they always beat us. The last time Eynsham triumph is way back in the last millennium and is notable for the fact that, after losing, the WMPV declare the trophy (which commemorates the late founder of this fixture) to be "missing". Ho hum.No-one is certain of the exact location of the WMPV ground, but, aided by luck and Burnie’s SATNAV, we find it, well before the home team turn up. We adjourn to the luxurious clubhouse bar and find ourselves surrounded by widescreen TV. The bar serves no real ale but does a nifty Instant Sunday Lunch, of which John W & Hughes junior partake heavily. Finally the hosts arrive and we toss. Or do we? Apparently the toss is "agreed", on account of neither skipper having a coin on him at the critical moment. So WPM are to bat, but, in return, we lose the option to play the traditional "timed" game and hold out for a dishonourable draw. Ho hum (again).

The match begins promisingly enough. The veteran openers both struggle against speed and late movement from our Skipper, who beats the bat about 3 times an over, and against the wiles of Gav the King of Swing. Somehow, though, the batsmen latch on to anything that does not beat them, and our moral domination is not reflected in the book, much to our regret. In fact, the WPMV score over 80 before we break through, with both Sam and Gav finishing wicketless. But Gav is soon smiling as he dives earthwards to clutch a splendid low catch off Christian (rebounding off our new ‘keeper Robbie, perhaps?) to make the first inroads. Christian is bowling steadily and with plenty of wobble, and gets nearly as many approving nods from the batsmen as Skipper did earlier. Sure enough, he soon picks up a second, though this time Dave H is the real hero, stopping a blinder at mid-off as if he is just counting his loose change. The batsman is, you might say, a trifle put out……..Immediately, Burnie deceives the second opener with his "slower" ball and loops it past the rather feeble-looking forward prod. There’s nothing makes a batsman look more incompetent, I feel, than the forward defensive shot that fails to make sure ball makes contact with bat. Stance, bat position, head and all may be just as per the textbook, but try telling the ball that! With the home side 118 for 3, we feel we should start to impose ourselves on the game now, but the no. 4, aptly-named Savage, it turns out, has other ideas. His batting in previous fixtures does not hint at the mauling he now proceeds to dole out. Burnie and Christian retire with respectable figures, but Dave H will, alas, not. Bowling mostly yorker-length, quick – and quicker each time the batsman turns his yorker into a half-volley - he suffers woefully, and his only compensation is via a caught-and-bowled effort, taken in full follow-through, that makes his previous catch look positively ordinary. At the other end, Hughes almost bowls a maiden but is foiled by an accidental misfield by Pete W, who takes the ball full on the knee. Long-on and long-off are so busy admiring what appears to be a fine reflex stop that they fail to see the ball trickle down in their general direction, while the batsmen take full advantage. Next ball, Burnie, concentrating fiercely as if to make up for the previous lapse, watches the ball like a cat stalking a bird……..all the way up to the moment it is due to roll into his hands – at which point the ball moves sharply into the 4^th dimension and over the rope. After conceding a few rather more orthodox runs, Hughes is replaced by Hughes junior, who bowls the last over of the innings immaculately, conceding only 1 off the bat, and (he claims) getting the ball to find the edge of the no. 6’s bat and soooo-nearly carry to Robbie. So, not the full mauling, then, but 222 is a decent score, and their bowling is notoriously tight……we settle in for tea, while the WPMVs whip up a quick rainstorm to dampen the wicket nicely for us.

The tea is as advertized, large, multi-cultural, and particularly biased towards the sweet trolley. No-one seems in a rush to resume………..but eventually the rain stops and the waiters stop bringing in the rum babars, iles flottantes and vats of double cream……….Pete & Frank are carried groaning into the changing room to change into larger trousers. Fortunately, The WMPVs seem just as affected by the tea, and the Pete/Frank partnership flourishes, passing 50 with little bother. Even the left-arm wrist spinner ("I’ve just been bowled by a bloody Chinaman" goes the legend) cannot break through, as both openers play handsome shots, Frank driving straight and through the off-side, and Pete opening his shoulders to pull the shorter balls to (and over) the square-leg boundary. Three sixes to him, even with shortish boundaries, is no mean feat off bowling that is, as always, deceptively hard to get away. I should mention here that the shortness of the boundaries leads to a small sweepstake, among the younger element, as to how many sixes there will be. The WMPVs already score six, and Pete’s three takes the total up into the area where most bets appear to be placed. So what happens towards the end of the game is a little surprising - maybe the proverbial rushes of blood to the head are responsible. But I am getting ahead of myself…………..

Even with the sixes, the run-rate remains a bit behind what is required, and Pete’s frustration is evident as the pace of the ball often makes it impossible to play with his normal flair. Inevitably, perhaps, run-stealing becomes riskier, and Frank is again a hapless run-out victim. John encounters similar problems with the bowlers’ (lack of) pace but manages one or two aggressive shots. Hughes junior, sent in at 4 to force the pace, tries to sweep a straight ball, and Burnie & Robbie both quickly lose patience with the accuracy of the pies being thrown at them. Suddenly we are 6 down and seriously behind the clock. Dave, who has resisted attempts to promote him, claiming his enormous six to win the Appleton game is unrepeatable, is finally bullied onto the pitch, and a remarkable stand follows. Sam, who accumulates quite a few runs while his partners perish, completely forgets his "sixes" sweepstake and looks as if he is going to equal the highest bid on his own. With more than twenty an over needed, the fielders all retreat to the boundary, so I suppose our heroes have no choice but to try and hit over them. Dave hits (I think) 3 sixes off successive balls, and in one glorious over the pair add 23. This leaves a mere 27 to make off the last six balls. 3 more towering hits give us faint hope, but it only takes 1 miss and the game is over. And so it turns out, but by God do we give the Veterans a fright. We end up nine runs short, surely the closest we come to beating them in 20 years. But it is enough to celebrate……

M Hughes