Frodsham, on their annual tour of Oxfordshire, are clearly eager to embrace the modern spirit of the game – the 20/20 format (which they claim is being played in Cheshire long before it becomes fashionable at Lord’s) and even coloured clothing – a rather intimidating yellow, with their name on the back.

For our part, Burnie develops an egg on his shin-bone which prevents him from playing and has to be replaced by no fewer than 3 1st XI players, although in the end Ollie is relegated to umpire. Meanwhile the changing room seems more crowded than usual, and also a good deal more acrimonious – although I soon discover that this is mainly because a Certain Person is not inconsiderably displeased that his normal corner is taken over by a Squatter.

Adam loses the toss but Frodsham decide to let us bat first. Pete Jones & John W practise their calling; “Yes”; “No”; “Wait”…………”Sorry” – so that’s OK, then. In fact, they take a sharp single in the first over which I suspect sends John’s temperature into 3 figures, as he complains of some mystery virus before we start. Possibly now suffering from hallucinations, he soon departs, evidently failing to see the ball where it actually lands and playing instead at some imaginary object. The clatter of stumps is real enough, though. Sam comes in to join his Dad, and a brief paternal partnership blossoms before Pete, enduring merciless heckling if he does not score off at least every other ball, chips one to backward point. 21 for 2 off 4. Hughes & Hollingshead fail to trouble the scorers, Dave H gets a couple and Gareth a single, but when he is bowled we are 56 for 6, half-way through the innings, with 6 batsmen contributing a massive 11 runs…………if it is not for Sam at the other end, we will look very sick indeed.Macca strides to the wicket and plays himself in cautiously with a borrowed bat. Sam already hits two sixes, one just over wide-long-on’s head, and he is very fierce on the rather excessive short-pitched stuff that Frodsham sling at him. We are beginning to feel a bit more comfortable when Umpire Alan Hughes raises his finger to a caught-behind appeal, and Sam is out 2 shy of another 50. His one-word comment on discovering this is not really printable on a family website; suffice it to say that it contains 8 letters, begins with “b” and is plural.

Pete W. now joins Andy Mac, and at last a decent stand is posted. Whitters deals mainly in singles while Macca now finds the middle of Hughes’s bat and is flaying the ball to all parts of the field. A casually-swatted six to mid-wicket is the pick of the shots, and Pete gets into the act with a classy cover drive for 4. After putting on 59 together, Macca is given out lbw by “Trigger” Willans, then Els refuses a single and leaves Whitters stranded and run out by a very long way. As he is walking back to the changing room, he turns just in time to see Els accept an identical single off the next ball…….when Els is stumped shortly after, Micky joins Adam and the two add a further dozen to bring us to a respectable-ish 145. There is, of course, no tea.When Frodsham go out to chase our score, progress is slow at first. Adam and Micky bowl very steady. We should have a wicket when Micky is driven in the air to long-off, but Duds can only manage to bruise his hands instead of taking a reasonable chance. Micky induces another chance to the same fielder, much harder this time, but it is Pete W., coming on first change, who clean bowls one of the openers to make our breakthrough. Inspired by success, Pete performs a very rare (for him) feat – appealing for an lbw decision. Much to his surprise, Ollie – who is beginning to get a reputation for this sort of thing – upholds the appeal, and the slightly bemused other opener walks slowly off. Just after this, Micky clean bowls the new batter, but the ball is deemed to bounce twice and we are denied.

And we continue to be denied……….Els’s twirlers are given an outing, but he suffers for his art, as does Dave H’s arm at deep-mid wicket – at one point I swear he fields four in a row down by the trees. Head and Macca reduce the run-rate, with Macca going for a miserly six runs in his 2 overs, and pressure on the tourists mounts as the overs tick away. Their running is ferocious but they manage hardly a single four in the last half of the game. The fielding is occasionally a bit fumbly but reliable on the line at least.Dave H and Duds are to bowl the last 4 overs: Frodsham need 29 to win. Dave’s first ball is an unfortunate beamer, rightly no-balled and running down for 4 byes to add to the insult. The batters continue to run as if pursued by MI5 personnel. Ones turn into twos as one or two of our side fail to pick up cleanly. Jones senior stops a couple by sheer weight of personality and bellows encouragement (usually). 10 come off the 17th over but only 5 off the 18th. These include two successive singles to a sort of shot – we name it the Cheshire Cut, played off middle stump, like a Harrow cut but even more “spawny”, I think the expression is – which brings forth oaths from the hapless bowler. Duds takes advice – there is plenty around – and adjusts the field. Another half-dozen off the 19th over leaves 8 to win. Els tells Duds “You never concede 8 in one over”. The unlucky “Sting” Ray misses a chance off the second ball. Bats find gaps. 2 are needed off the last ball. The fielders close in. Adam bowls on the stumps. The batsman hits wildly, and somehow the ball eludes the field – Frodsham are victorious. Graceful in victory, they present Jones senior (our skipper is absent, nursing a broken heart) with a silly brochure and a tie, and the rest of us with copious amounts of ale.


M Hughes